“He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It’s his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry.”
― Markus Zusak,
I know its been a while since I’ve given my status or written anything on my site, but today I just thought about the updates I used to give today and thought why not.
My site has been a mix between a journal and an actual writer’s site for me. I write the thoughts here that I wouldn’t feel comfortable with sharing with the people in my life and I publish short stories here just for the fun of it. But today’s just a journal post, starting with a question I ask myself a lot nowadays.
Whenever we encounter toxic behavior from those we love and care about, the age old question is asked from those looking outside in.
Why do you stay?
It’s a hard question to answer and sometimes I don’t even know the answer myself. From romantic relationships, to platonic relationships, even family we encounter unhealthy behavior from from time to time. I know this behavior is unhealthy, but I tell myself that people do make mistakes. When it happens again and again though, that’s when I take the time to think about the actual situation.
I hate the thought of abandoning those that I love, no matter what they do to me. Whenever I even consider leaving, shame hits me with full force. How could you ever leave someone you claim to love? In the eyes of may this is a dastardly thing.
This thought process has kept me in quite a few difficult relationships and at the end of the day the cycle starts all over again. I don’t leave. I have to be positive in how I view people and their connections to me. In the end, those that I should have left end up leaving me behind with much regret and much reflection.
I wonder if I leave this time around, would I come to regret leaving? Or would I celebrate the fact I escaped?
The human heart is a tricky thing.